SnowDay2015

Snow Day at Unversity of Kentucky:

Today is Feb 20, 2015. Classes have been canceled for 2 days, and the weather is really bad — temperature reaches to -9 degree F and the snow on the street is over 1 foot. As a graduate student, I am not sure whether I like “snow day” or not. One thing for sure I finally have time to stay home and doing “nothing”, on the other hand, I am really busy with other things. What are "other things"? Trying to review course works, trying to program a little, and of course trying to shake off the bad feeling from haters and distractions. 

Talking about shaking off all the negativities, is it funny that people just hate or dislike you for no good reason? When you stand in front of people, no matter how nice you are, how lovely you are, some people just don’t appreciate you. I feel the pain. I asked myself what I can do, I told myself F them and what goes around and come around. I have so limited time and energy to live my life, why spare then unwisely to someone who has issue themselves. Those are people who probably abused by their parents or extramely unpopular in high school (and they wonder why themselves?) 

Well, it’s a good opportunities that I can go beyond what I am now with this kind of hatred. 

That's the way how I see the world...

I have been lost after a while, maybe too long to get conscience before this semester begin, but at least I am trying. It's so interesting to see so many different people around me, not only about the races but also about the social status, the thoughts and of course about the looking. Whenever I saw a white guy or girl, I was always wondered how could white people's nasal bridge is so high and just like they were stepping off the pedestal from an ancient Rome statues. Am I shallow? Maybe, but the first impression of a good looking will invariably be a win, you don't need to go far than goggling "Beautiful people are always won". That article explains all.

Plastic surgery is one option. When British magazine The Economist reported on global rates of plastic surgery on April 23, 2012, South Korea emerged as the most-cosmetically enhanced population in the world.1 And more and more Chinese are following this trend. (Don't say I need a new fact too!) Worth the pain or the money? You tell me. Have you ever been itching about changing part of your face or your body? "Maybe just a little and no one will notice." "All I need is just sucking all the fat out." And for the gentlemen, I have been watching you guys all the time, you gym rat. 

If beauty is skin-deep then let's talk about wealth. From year 2011 to 2012, I suddenly realized that there are millionaires around me. Well, a lot of them were born-rich; however, they did a great job to keep them. And the first time in my little mind I noticed that some shoes could cost thousands of dollars-and it's for man. If you saw a guy wearing Banana Republic or Hugo Boss, he could be a pimp; if Dolce & Gabbana, Prada, or Gucci, he might be gay; nevertheless if he was wearing Louis Vuitton and driving a Limbo, everyone will tell you "Boy, he must have done something right." We Americans just love rich people (so does Chinese.) Just like Breaking Bad was so hot means Americans loves their drug dealers; Downtown Abbey was No. 1 new show means we fancy those rich people.

However, not everyone will have the looking, the money, the girl(or guy), the ride, the house, and the list can go on. I was a little depressed on this, maybe it's because my pre-middle-age crisis, I become so jealous-so jealous that I felt I was lost and I  lived on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. When I was passing the Pharmaceutical College Building where my lab located temperately, there's always a voice told me that, just very softly, 

"those students who are studying in the hallway will be somebody and have a promising future. They will be rich, have a family..."

 At that moment, I was so stressed from my courses, and I am kind of replying:

"Yes, they will be. They are from the influence families, have iPods, iPhones and MacBooks, and they are also that gorgeous. If I were God, I would favor these beautiful people too and give more to them instead of, you know, me.Why couldn't God makesmake me like them?"

Then the famous quotes from Jane Eyre my high school teacher forced me to memorize popped up in my head:

"...And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you!...)

On and on, I just felt I was at the bottom of the valley and 6 feet of garbage was over me. Then one day I was at the 5th floor of the same building waiting for the elevator. I was trying to lean over the glass barrier and checking the downstairs.

"Who did you see?"

"People! They are just heads with hairs, and I couldn't even tell whether they were man or woman."

"That's the way how I see the world."

I think that's how the God sees us from Heaven, the Bible says, "Man looks at the outward appearance, but God sees the heart."

So if you happen to read this, please remember: "Know yourself. Be yourself. Love yourself." Since

Everyone Else is Already Taken!

1. South Korea Tops Plastic Surgery Tables Again, Netizens Reaction.

Overcomes Our Weaknesses...

"Thus, when Heaven is about to confer a great office on any man, it first exercises his mind with suffering, and his sinews and bones with toil. It exposes his body to hunger, and subjects him to extreme poverty. It confounds his every endeavor. In this way his patience and endurance are developed, and his weakness are overcome."

Recently, these phrases from Meng Zi just keep coming to me. Especially when I am lonely, frustrated, lost and disappointed. We were requested to memorize the whole paragraph from the Ment Zi, Advice to Son. Just like the proverb from the Bible, Ancient Chinese also has some advises to be handed down to next generation.

This quote reminds me of Moses: from a prince, he became a refugee, lost all the money and power. He had to beg water in a foreign land and to work as a hard-labor for food. After he had all the power from the God, he failed his missions 9 times even with all those miracles. So this way he can overcome his weaknesses...

Maybe the change I am waiting for haven't come is because I complained too much, or I am not patient enough. Probably because I have too many weaknesses. I know I am not ready yet now. But how can I be different? And how can I endure those blessings and the miracles I am hoping for? These questions haunted me for a while already and perhaps only time could answer them for me.

11-30-13

"I left because you never asked me to stay..."

I like this saying, why stuck with someone who doesn't appreciate you at all? I remember in the Gospels it mentioned that Jesus folded the cloth covered His head when He resurrected in his tomb. That was a sign  to show Jewish that He was not happy how He was treated, and what He meant is "I was not treated right." Most time we just bring the abuses to ourselves, if someone treat us wrong, why we have to put up with him or her? Leave and never come back, and be better, stronger and have a wonderful life...

I am back...for love and for the changing...

Sounds funny, I don't understand why we need feelings. We constantly hurt people and get hurt. and sometimes we hurt ourselves. Slowly life taught me the reason why we cannot forgive others is because we have never forgiven ourselves. From the Chinese culture, we are always holding the grouch grudges that hurts, especially ourselves--I cannot still remember every single bit of unfairness people landed on me  years ago. Fundamentally it is me I cannot let go. The expectation of myself is too high, too wonderful and too hard to accomplish with one life.

I decided to change the man in the mirror. (Can you hear yourself humming...) Very often, every morning I call myself handsome and gorgeous, I am trying to stop say "I hate myself" or "I am so stupid", instead I replacing them with "I love myself". Why I shouldn't love myself? I think I am very cute. The other day girls were trying to pick me up...

See, I am cute, right? (Whatever you say...)